Discovering New Horizons

Working as a counselor and coach, is not always about working with problems. Sometimes people just want to be able to discover a deeper fuller life. Often my work with clients is about growth as an individual, about breaking out of boundaries, discovering new horizons and reaching for the stars. I am very fortunate that I can witness such growth.

Kate Chandler on top of Table Mountain

I personally believe that self awareness can be a great place to begin in our quest to know who we are, and it is in looking within that we can begin to get to know ourselves. Many people are born with an innate self awareness which they succeed in retaining into adulthood, for others self awareness may be something which has been lost during childhood or adolescence. Self awareness will most certainly be at different levels for different people, depending on past experiences, and how much time has been spent purposefully and mindfully examining self. It is said in the bible that we "should love our neighbors as we love ourselves". Before we can truly love others, we need to love ourselves. I believe that it is by going inside, by praying, meditating and perhaps by working with another person, a counsellor, coach, psychologist, or someone we really trust, that we can begin to find true self awareness. When we begin to find self awareness we have to come to terms with some aspects of self which we may find hard to accept. There may be behaviors we wish to change, there may be aspects we have hidden from ourselves, as well as from others which now begin to demand attention. Work needs to be done, questions answered. This all takes time, energy and focus. We cannot really love ourselves without gaining awareness and then knowledge, acceptance and love for who we are. Loving who we are does not depend on getting things perfect, for no-one is perfect, loving who we are simply means discovering, and then trusting who we are.

When we trust ourselves we do not shrink inwards so often, we can reach out, move forward, then develop and grow to the best of our ability Working with the self is not always easy but it is worth it!

It is important when make our journey into self awareness and self discovery that we listen to our own voice, and see our own vision of who we are, and want to be. A professional Counselor, Coach, or Psychologist, is not going to tell you who you are, or what to do to become the person you want to be. They will not tell you what choices to make, or what decisions to make. Some of the things a Coach may do, are: support you on your journey and ask relevant questions, which will assist you in finding your own answers. A Coach/Counsellor can also help you recognize different perspectives, and options available, and thus help you gain clarity.

As I write this I am thinking of the story of the young boy who found a butterfly, still in it's pupae. He could see that the butterfly inside was trying to get out so the young boy decided he would help. Very carefully he pulled away at the the cocoon until he freed the butterfly, then as he watched the butterfly struggle to unfold his wings, the young boy tenderly tried to help. After trying to be kind, and help this butterfly into the world, he found himself devastated when the butterfly died. What this poor young boy had not known, is that in order for a butterfly to have the strength to break out of it's cocoon, it needs to use its own instincts and work hard using it's own input, and in order to fly it needs to struggle to unfold its wings. Like the butterfly, there are certain things in life that we must do for ourselves in order to develop. Inner strength and courage cannot be given from one person to another, these qualities can only come from working on the problems and hardships we face in life. This can involve a lot of work and sometimes a difficult struggle.

Photograph courtesy of Jared Nicholls

In order to grow and evolve as a human being it is necessary to confront our emotions head on. This is not something we usually want to do, and often we are not encouraged to. We live in a world where only the positive emotions are regarded as 'good' and yet God created us with all of our emotions, the positive ones as well as, grief, anger, sadness, fear, and guilt etc. All of these emotions have their purpose and yet we often classify them as negative emotions, emotions which must be got rid of as quickly as possible. I believe that our whole range of emotions are necessary in order for us to learn what is it to be human. This is not to say that I do not believe in positive thinking, or working towards being happy and contented, I simply feel we need to acknowledge that it is ok to sometimes be sad, angry etc. Our so called negative emotions can be great teachers if we learn to recognise them and allow them space to be heard. It is true that for some negative emotions can become pervasive, and if allowed, can take over, creating anxiety or depression. If this should be the case then intervention may be required in the form of therapy or medication. However, much of the time we could benefit greatly simply being aware of our whole spectrum of emotions and what they are telling us.

Joy and sadness sometimes seem to be poles apart and yet, it seems to me that they can also be like two sides of the same coin. I remember a time when I was introduced to a young man who had Down's Syndrome, I knew his family and the first feeling I remember having as I looked into the eyes of this young man was a great sadness. I felt sad for him because I think I saw him as 'less than' perfect, or even less than average. When I think of this now, I wonder at my folly! I also felt sad for his parents, I knew that they had struggled and that it had taken them time to come to terms with their son's syndrome. I can still remember how quickly my feeling of sadness changed and how I experienced a surge of joy when this young man turned to his mother and I watched the interaction between these two precious people, there certainly was no 'less than', what I watched was the closeness and tenderness of two souls connecting in the most beautiful way. Whilst watching it was as though my sadness and joy merged, it is an experienced I have been aware of and experienced many times since.

Inner strength, courage, weakness, fear, joy, sadness, and happiness, we are all of these and so much more. We need all of our emotions in order to grow. In developing self awareness we can begin to gain discernment, as we sift, learn, ponder and discover ways of becoming the best we can become!

"The beginning is the most important part of the work"
Plato